Best of Friends
by Violet Redmoor
Summary: MWPP 7th year. Remus & Sirius have been friends for so long, how will they ever manage to admit that there's more to it than that? RLSB tension, misunderstandings & eventual slash
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: OK, well, thanks to everyone who liked Just Good Friends. I'm probably not going to add any more chapters to that; I don't think there's much more I can do with it. There will be more Remus & Sirius, though. This is the prequel to Just Good Friends, set a couple of days before. So, there will be lots of Remus/Sirius tension (or that's the theory) but neither of them are admitting anything yet. I may add a bit of Lily & James in, too, in later chapters.  
  
Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling. And if you thought I was. shame on you. I'm just having a bit of fun with her characters while I wait for the next book/movie.  
  
Rating: I'm not very good with ratings. PG, I guess.  
  
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Remus groaned and shifted ever so slightly on the couch. The arm of the sofa was not a great pillow, but the effort it would take to locate a cushion seemed far too much right then.  
  
"Come on, Moony," said Peter, stifling a grin. "It's not that bad."  
  
"Speak for yourself," he retorted, yawning. "I swear, as great as you guys are, I sometimes wonder if I'd have been better off with less friends and more sleep."  
  
They all laughed, and Sirius flicked a couple of Every Flavour Beans at him. Remus did not give him the satisfaction of a reaction, though that was largely because he was too tired to think of one.  
  
He was not entirely sure how the others had managed to get away without being just as tired as he was. After all, everyone knew that where you found one Marauder out of bed and out of bounds, the other three would be close by. Unless, of course, it was James sneaking out to see Lily.  
  
He couldn't help but smile at that; poor James had no idea that they had not only seen him leave two nights ago but had laid bets on how long he would be. As it happened, Sirius won that bet. Only he had been awake to see James sneak back in; Remus and Peter having dropped off long before.  
  
Oh, wait. Yes, that was it. While they had been waiting for Sirius to get back, James and Peter had both fallen asleep in their armchairs. They must have got in a good two or three hours while Remus had stayed awake, unable to rest until he knew Sirius had escaped trouble and trying to convince himself that he would have done the same for any of his friends. All of which completely failed to explain why Sirius was not also virtually comatose, but then he had long ago realised that Sirius had almost unlimited reserves of energy. At least he was not *quite* as chirpy as James and Peter.  
  
Another Bean bounced off his forehead.  
  
"Ah, you're no fun, Moony," whined Sirius. "I'm bored."  
  
"It's your own fault. If you hadn't taken so long to get back here I'd... we'd all have got more sleep. And," he added with a huge yawn, "if you're that bored you can give me a back-rub. I'm all achy." It was two days to full moon, so of course his muscles were all tied in knots. But, as surprised as he had been when Sirius had first offered him a back-rub - both boys refused to call them massages - they did seem to work.  
  
"I've been told I'm good at it," Sirius had said, actually sounding modest for once. No doubt it had been one of his many girlfriends who had told him so, but she had been right. One more thing to add to the never- ending list of Sirius' talents.  
  
Remus lifted his head a fraction to wait for a reply, opening his eyes slightly. Sirius sighed. He could no more resist that hopeful look than he could stop breathing. Not that he really needed too much persuasion, he admitted to himself. He enjoyed giving the back-rubs almost as much as Remus seemed to enjoy getting them.  
  
He got to his feet and Remus flashed him a quick grin as he rolled onto his front. Perching on the edge of the sofa, by Remus' legs, he began to rub his friend's shoulders, forcing himself to ignore Remus' quiet sign of contentment. James and Peter did not comment. To begin with they had teased both of them mercilessly, but they were used to this ritual by now. After a particularly stressful Quidditch match or practice, James had even been known to request a back-rub of his own.  
  
"You know this works better when it's not through your robes," he teased. Well, it did. It wasn't just because he liked to see Remus with his shirt off. Of course not.  
  
Remus laughed. "Not even for you, Sirius Black, will I strip off in the middle of the common room." Sirius, of course, had a reputation as the sort of person who could get most people to strip off quite willingly.  
  
James and Peter laughed appreciatively.  
  
"I bet I know someone who would, for him," said Peter, grinning.  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Don't tell me... Jennifer Bletchley." The fifth year Ravenclaw had a crush on him that bordered on the obsessive, and his friends lost no opportunity to remind him of it.  
  
"Probably," agreed Peter, "but that's not who I meant." He threw a little glance towards James, to see if he knew what was coming. "She's got competition, apparently."  
  
For some reason, James found this inordinately amusing, and went into peals of laughter. Sirius ignored him, concentrating on a particularly tense spot in Remus' back. His friend looked so relaxed, Sirius was almost surprised he was not purring. Do wolves purr? He wondered absently. Probably not. Oh well, if he had a tail at the moment, he'd be wagging it.  
  
Damn, Sirius, wake up, you prat! He pulled himself out of his reverie to find that thankfully no one seemed to have noticed it, and that James had finally stopped laughing.  
  
"Go on then. Who?" He did not care one way or another, but it was expected of him to ask.  
  
"Andrea Zwinge," replied Peter triumphantly. "Her sister told me."  
  
Sirius' eyebrows shot up, momentarily distracted, until a disgruntled sound from Remus drew his attention back to his task. Andrea Zwinge was probably the prettiest girl in school, and she was notoriously hard to get.  
  
James seemed equally surprised. "Andrea Zwinge?" he echoed incredulously. "Surely not. What on earth would she see in Sirius?"  
  
"Hmm... let me think." Sirius put on a face of mock-concentration. "It wouldn't be that I'm intelligent, charming... *very* good at back rubs... and so good looking I should be illegal, would it?" For all the good it does me.  
  
"Save me," said Remus as James and Peter groaned, somehow speaking distinctly despite the fact that his face was buried in the sofa. "Save me from Sirius' ego before it swamps us all. Not that you *aren't* very good at back-rubs," he added in a conciliatory tone, peering round at Sirius with one dark eye.  
  
"Ser. really," said Peter when he had stopped laughing. "Have you seen them pass each other in the corridors? Andrea and Jennifer, I mean. The way they glare at each other... there'll be a catfight before long."  
  
"They can fight over me if they want," said Sirius, trying not to sound too smug. "I'm sure it'll provide wonderful entertainment for everyone."  
  
James and Peter agreed vehemently. Remus said nothing. As he was half asleep that was only to be expected, but Sirius did wonder what he thought of it all.  
  
"It's been a while since you've had a girlfriend," remarked James, sounding slightly surprised. Yes, there was that reputation again. It never used to bother him, knowing that everyone thought him... well, if not quite a slut then certainly getting that way. But recently it had been bugging him. It was hardly flattering. And if James knew *why* he had not had a girlfriend for so long, he would be even more surprised.  
  
"Go on, Padfoot," James continued. "Ask Andrea out. It'd be worth it just to see the looks on everyone's faces."  
  
"Nah," replied Sirius, trying to sound offhand. "Not interested. In either of them."  
  
"Careful, Padfoot," mumbled Remus through the sofa. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."  
  
He wrinkled up his face in disgust. "Hell hath no *what*?" he repeated. He paused in his massaging to swipe playfully at Remus' head. "Are you quoting at me again? We've discussed this, Moony; there's really no point throwing culture at me. I'm quite happy being uncultured." His point made, he started rubbing the small of Remus' back, where he knew it always ached worst in the lead up to the full moon.  
  
"Whatever you say," agreed Remus vaguely. "Just don't stop doing that."  
  
Sirius blinked. He knew Remus enjoyed these sessions, but that admission of just how much was... surprising. Peter and James laughed uproariously. Remus lifted his head and peered sleepily at them through a curtain of light brown hair.  
  
"What?" he asked.  
  
"Well," chuckled James, "we know how to get you to agree to anything now. Just offer you a backrub."  
  
"Oh, I doubt it would have the same effect from you, Prongs," he sighed contentedly. Sirius' hands faltered. Had he really just heard Remus say that?  
  
It suddenly dawned on Remus what he had just said. "After all," he added hastily, "Padfoot has so much more experience." Oh, smooth, Remus, he thought irritably. Good save. No, really.  
  
He buried his head further into the sofa, to hide the fact that he was blushing furiously and to save him having to see James and Peter's reactions to that humiliating statement.  
  
"Guess you'll just have to stick to bribing him with chocolate, Prongs," said Sirius cheerfully. It covered Remus' sudden embarrassment, and for that he was terribly grateful.  
  
"Chocolate works," he agreed amiably.  
  
He really did need more sleep. He had just opened his mouth and the words had spilled out with no intervention from his brain. In case it happened again, he resolved to keep his mouth quite firmly shut until he had caught up on all the sleep he missed last night. 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: All bow down to JK Rowling and repeat after me: I do not own Harry Potter or anything related to it.

Rating: PG-ish

A/N: I had a lot of trouble with this chapter, especially the ending, even now that I've re-written it, so I apologise if it's a bit off. Sirius gets all maudlin here – bless him – but the next chapter should be fun again.

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Sirius and Remus lay on their backs by the side of the lake, staring up at the sky. A few feathery clouds were drifting slowly across the bright blue; for the end of November it was excellent weather. Shouts drifted faintly towards them from the Quidditch pitch; James was in the middle of a practice session, and although Peter had wavered slightly he had chosen to stay and watch.

Sirius could not stand to watch them practice, knowing he should be there and knowing full well that he deserved his punishment. He had been removed from the team after the prank gone wrong that had nearly resulted in James and Snape's deaths and his and Remus' expulsion. As much as he missed Quidditch, he counted himself lucky – with hindsight – that it was all he had lost. If James had been killed he would never have forgiven himself, and Remus would have been perfectly justified in never speaking to him again.

He sighed and glanced across at Remus, who for once was completely peaceful, his hands linked behind his head and a tiny smile hovering around his mouth. Remus was the only one of his friends he could do this with. James fidgeted and grumbled and laughed at him. Peter fidgeted just as much, except on the one occasion when he had actually fallen asleep.

"You all right, Padfoot?" Remus asked, hearing the sigh.

Sirius grunted. He could not bring himself to say what was actually on his mind. He had not even spoken of it to James, who knew everything –everything _else _– about him.

A girl's head suddenly imposed itself on his vision, red hair hanging down around her face.

"What _are_ you two doing?" asked Lily Evans.

"Nothing," replied Remus. Whenever Sirius said that, it sounded guilty. When Remus said it, it sounded like what it was; the truth. Perhaps he was just a less suspicious person than Sirius.

"I can see that," retorted Lily impatiently. "But why?"

"Why not? Just... relaxing. We've been working hard, I'll have you know."

"Working hard? You? Remus, maybe, but you? I'll believe that when I see it."

Choosing to ignore the slur on his character – well, all right, choosing to ignore Lily's very accurate summation of his character – Sirius sighed again.

"If you're looking for Prongs, he's playing Quidditch."

"I know that." Lily smiled as her eyes flicked momentarily towards the Quidditch pitch and her absent boyfriend. "And Peter's watching him. I would have thought you would be, too."

"Sirius never watches them practice," replied Remus. "I'm just keeping him company."

"We like the peace and quiet here," said Sirius pointedly.

"Sirius, I have never known anyone less likely than you to enjoy peace and quiet," said Lily, sounding irritated. "But, I can tell when I'm not wanted. See you around, Remus."

She wandered off. Remus was sure she was heading in the direction of the Quidditch pitch and James, but did not comment. They lay in silence, watching the clouds.

"You ever been in love, Moony?" said Sirius suddenly after five minutes or so.

"What?" For a moment Remus was so surprised that he could not think of any answer, let alone a sensible one. "You are joking, aren't you?"

Remus had been on one date in his life – apart from the time he had been kind of seeing Lily, which all of them had resolved never to mention ever again on pain of very painful death – and that had been an unqualified disaster. He had never been able to decide which had been worse; having to try and explain the numerous scars on his arms to a girl who seemed _far _too interested, or the fact that he had panicked when she tried to kiss him goodnight and frozen completely. He was lucky she had kept that to herself, or the Slytherins would have had something new to torment him with. It had been hard enough putting up with James and Sirius' taunts.

He had told himself that a werewolf had no business dating, no right to ever consider settling down. He did happen to believe it, and it had allowed him to pretend for a few months longer. The Lily thing – not that there had been a Lily thing, of course – had further blurred the boundaries. But eventually he had not been able to avoid the truth any more, and had admitted, if only to himself, that he had never really wanted a girlfriend, and probably never would.

Sirius muttered something that might have been an apology.

"How about you?" Remus asked, trying to deflect attention from himself before Sirius asked any questions that were even more awkward.

Sirius gave a bark of a laugh. "Me? The school slut?" He sounded very bitter and Remus winced.

"You aren't a slut. But I guess it was a stupid question."

"Ah, my fault. I brought it up." Between them they made a fine pair.

Sirius thought of letting the subject drop. He normally would have done, but for some reason it was bothering him. Perhaps it was Lily. She had not fooled him in the slightest; she had gone to join Peter watching the Quidditch. Or, in her case, watching James; she had never been terribly interested in the sport.

Anyone would have laughed if they knew Sirius was jealous of his best friend. Not that he liked Lily, not like that, anyway. But James was making more of a success of this relationship than any of Sirius' had been.

Anyone would have laughed except, perhaps, Remus. Sirius turned to look at his friend again. Remus had obviously decided that Sirius had had enough of that conversation; he was staring upwards again, his previous peaceful look replaced by a slight frown. But he had always been more considerate than the others. If he realised Sirius meant what he was saying, he would not tease.

"Do you think there's someone out there for us?" he asked.

Remus looked at him, the frown deepening and a strange look in his dark eyes. Sirius wondered briefly if he had miscalculated. He had thought Remus was the one person he _could_ discuss this with.

"I'm sure there's someone out there for you," Remus replied eventually, looking away again. Sirius could not miss the flat tone of his voice.

"After all," he continued, "You could have anyone you want, as you're always reminding us. When you meet the right girl, she'll probably fall straight into your arms." He sounded more cheerful now, but Sirius knew him too well to be fooled.

"Moony?" he asked. Remus did not reply, or look at him. He thought carefully about what Remus had just said. "What about you?" he asked quietly.

"Who would want to get involved with a werewolf?" The silence that followed his question was complete. With a slight grimace, he tried to lighten the mood. "Besides, you know what happened last time." He had not even meant to tell them, but they could tell it had not gone well, and had kept asking until the truth had just come out.

"That was ages ago."

"Not long enough," replied Remus, only half joking.

Sirius was not sure what to say to that. Was there anything he _could _say?

"Ah, well," he sighed, trying to shake off the tension billowing from his friend. "Maybe we should make one of those pacts. You know; if we're not married by the time we're thirty..."

Remus' laugh was a bit forced, but at least it was a laugh. "You're a prat, Padfoot, you know that?"

"You've been telling me for long enough," he pointed out, turning his head. Remus was smiling again, which was all he had been after. "I'm sorry, Moony. You're right; I am a prat. A thoughtless prat. Forgive me?"

Remus raised an eyebrow. That expression was pure Remus; whenever Sirius thought of him that was how he pictured him. He did nothing more than raise that one eyebrow, but somehow it demanded an explanation, and Sirius was helpless against it.

"Really, Moony, I'm sorry. Please, please, please, _please _forgive me? Pretty please? With sugar on top?"

"Idiot." He was laughing again, properly this time. "You're forgiven, when you let me get a word in edgeways." He shook his head in amused exasperation and look back up at the sky.

Satisfied that all was well again, Sirius did the same.

James, Peter and Lily, when they returned from Quidditch practice to find Sirius and Remus in the common room, one reading and one staring listlessly around at the crowded tables, seemed not to notice the melancholy mood that had taken their friends. Though Sirius had shaken the worst of it, once silence had fallen again they had each been lost in their thoughts and he had been quick to agree when Remus suggested they should head back inside.

Gossiping ten to the dozen about anything and everything, James and Peter plonked themselves unceremoniously on the chairs opposite. Lily waved a cheerful goodbye as she rejoined her own friends. James drew Sirius easily into their conversation, though from the tone of his voice Remus thought that perhaps Sirius' heart wasn't in it. Or perhaps he was just reading too much into it, because of what had gone before. He himself was in no mood to join in, but his book was a good enough cover for that; they all knew by now not to count on getting a response out of him while he was reading. He was careful to turn the pages every now and again so they wouldn't realise he was just staring, blankly, at them.

Such an odd subject for Sirius to raise; out of character, really. He knew what had brought it on; the oddly content look on Lily's face when she contemplated the Quidditch pitch, the fact that she would happily watch a sport she didn't understand just because James was playing it. He felt almost guilty to have been so surprised that Sirius had ever thought about it in such terms; he knew more than most that Sirius' tough, carefree façade was just that, a front.

"Hey, Moony," said Peter, breaking his train of thought. He looked up from his book. "Did you read that chapter Professor Tabblesworth set last lesson?"

"About Patronuses? Yes. Did you."

"Yeah, but. . ." he blushed a little and looked down. "Didn't really understand it," he muttered. James and Sirius rolled their eyes, but didn't comment. In years past they would have done, perhaps they really were growing up.

"Well, it's very advanced magic," he said, his heart sinking. Was he really up to explaining this one to Peter? It was only with their coaching that he had got a good enough grade to taken Defence at NEWT, and now that he had got in he was relying more and more on their help. Which meant his, truthfully, because however good James and Sirius' intentions were, they lacked the patience to be as much help as Peter needed.

"Do you understand it?"

"Well, I think I do. But I've tried it a few times, and I've never managed to produce a proper one, so I can't really be sure. . ." Peter looked crestfallen, and Remus suppressed a sigh. Was it too much to hope that there would be a day when Peter didn't need his help? He felt guilty as soon as he'd thought it, because really, when he thought of the lengths Peter had gone to for _him_, how could he begrudge him a little tutoring? "I'm sure Tabby won't expect everyone to get the hang of it first lesson," he said. "If I do manage one I'll try and show you how afterwards." Peter gave him a tremulous smile, and his guilt only increased. Peter sometimes seemed oblivious to the harshest of insults, and yet at other times to know how much of a burden he was to his friends. Remus knew that feeling, every month, and he hated to think he had contributed to Peter feeling it too.

"You'll get it, Wormtail," he said, as convincingly as he could. "You've got everything else we've done in Defence, haven't you?" Peter smiled a bit more, and nodded, and Remus thought that it was probably the best he could do for now.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Still not JK Rowling. If I was then certain people would certainly not have died.

Rating: PG-ish

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Defence Against the Dark Arts was Remus' favourite subject, and he thought probably the others' as well. He had always been good at it, but the first couple of years had seen teachers who seemed to take his. . . condition. . . as a personal affront to their subject. Since then he had been lucky, a succession of kinder, or at least less prejudiced, teachers, and given the growing rumours that the job was cursed, all surprisingly capable. The current victim, Professor Tabblesworth, looked like could have given McGonagall a run for her money in strictness, but they had quickly discovered that he was a soft as a Flobberworm. Not that they messed around too much, he was an excellent teacher and nearly everyone enjoyed the classes. At NEWT level he supposed that was to be expected; if they didn't like the subject then they wouldn't be there.

Today, the tables were pushed back against the walls of the classroom, signalling a practical lesson. Given their homework it was to be expected, and Remus knew he and his friends – two of them, anyway – weren't the only ones looking forward to trying the Patronus charm. He grinned at them as they took their accustomed places at one side of the classroom, giving Peter what he hoped was an encouraging nod when his smile was met only with an expression of mounting terror. Sirius lounged against the stacked desks, as effortlessly stylish as ever, exchanging flirtatious glances with a pair of Ravenclaw girls on the other side of the room. Remus felt a slight stab of annoyance; he complained about being known as the school slut, but did he ever _stop_? James, as usual, was watching Lily, who blew him a kiss from across the classroom. Remus hid a smile at the pleased, dopey, expression on James' face; they'd been dating a few weeks now and James was always surprised when Lily was pleasant – affectionate, even – to him in public. After so long of the exact opposite, he supposed James was probably allowed to be surprised, but really, the dopey look was wearing a bit thin.

"Well, then, I hope you're all prepared," said Tabblesworth cheerfully as he entered from his office. Everyone smiled back; Tabblesworth was probably the first teacher they'd had who was universally liked. Even the Slytherins barely found a bad word to say about him.

"So, if you've read the chapter you were assigned, you know the theory and you know the incantation. Together, without wands, please."

"Expecto Patronum," they chanted dutifully.

"Excellent, excellent. Now, the key here is the memory you choose; concentrate on it as hard as you can. If you try a few times without any success, you may want to reconsider your choice of memory. When first attempting a Patronus, please don't be put off if all you manage is silver smoke; it's a start, and a very good one, and in some cases, all that is required. Of course, there are some creatures which cannot be repelled by anything less than a fully-fledged, powerful Patronus, but they are rare indeed, and you're very unlikely to run into one before I've finished with you and you can produce a full Patronus. So, I will demonstrate. . . _Expecto Patronum_!"

A large, silver bear wooshed out of the end of Tabblesworth's wand to many oohs and aahs. . . which changed to slight giggles as it sat in the middle of the classroom floor, blinking in puzzled manner, and looking rather like the Professor himself. Tabblesworth dissipated it with another wave of his wand. "Well then, your turns. If you have any particular questions then please ask; otherwise I shall just be circling the classroom and offering advice where I can."

The students, who had been clustered against the edges of the room, spread out somewhat, all retrieving wands from bags and pockets as they did. The Marauders, naturally, stayed together, though in a looser group than before, and Lily managed to edge her friend closer to them as well.

"Been practicing?" she asked James, fluttering her eyelashes.

"Nah," he replied. Sirius and Remus exchanged amused looks. James had been practicing in the dormitory where no one else could see, and very frustrated that his first efforts had produced nothing at all. Eventually he had managed the wisps of silver smoke that Tabblesworth had mentioned, and as they all began flourishing their wands and muttering the incantation, it reappeared. Lily looked suitably impressed, which had no doubt been the intention of his secret practice, and Remus toyed with the idea of snitching on his friend – pun very much intended – before deciding he just wasn't that cruel.

"_Expecto Patronum_," he muttered, concentrating on the memory of being told he would be allowed to come to Hogwarts. Something so simple would never have been anyone else's happy memory, of course, but he had long ago learned not to take anything for granted, and he remembered as though it was only yesterday the unbridled joy he had felt when he got Dumbledore's letter. His own wisp of silver smoke appeared and Lily gave him, too, a glowing look, which proved just as effective at discomforting James as his previous notion. He smirked back at his friend, and tried again, and again. Though each time produce the same result, there was no sign it was getting stronger, and he wondered whether he should take Tabblesworth's advice and seek another memory. Had he ever been happier than that?

He watched the others while he thought. Sirius and Peter had not had any luck at all yet; Peter looked resigned to this, but Sirius seemed rather put out. He rarely failed in anything. Across the room, Snape seemed to be having just as much trouble; he was shaking his wand roughly as if trying to force a Patronus out of it. Remus caught Sirius' eye and jerked his head in that direction, knowing it would cheer Sirius up, and sure enough was rewarded by a devilish grin.

Lily's smoke was the thickest and brightest of anyone's – perhaps she was a happier person than the rest of them – and Professor Tabblesworth congratulated her on her progress while on his rounds. He had encouraging words for the others, too, and then looked at Remus.

"Have you tried, Mr Lupin?"

"Yes. . . wasn't getting anywhere much. . ."

"Have another go, why don't you?"

He forced his mind back to memories, and almost immediately, the full moon two years ago when his friends had first become Animagi came into his head. At first he dismissed it out of hand. Full moons were the cause of so much pain, how could that work? But remembering the fierce pride on their faces when they showed what they had done for him, and the overwhelming gratitude and – yes, alright, it made him a great big sissy, but he could say it in his head at least – and love that he had felt for them, he thought that if that didn't do it, he was doomed to failure.

Concentrating as hard on it as he could, he said, firmly, "_Expecto Patronum!_" Lily and the other Marauders had stopped to watch. Something huge forced its way out of the end of his wand, landed lightly on the floor and shook itself. He was unbelievably pleased with himself – at last, he'd beaten Sirius and James at something! – and then when he realised what he was looking at, his jaw dropped open in shock.

"Wonderful!" exclaimed Professor Tabblesworth, oblivious to his discomfort. "Wonderful. See here, everyone, Mr Lupin's done it!" Everyone crowded round, peering to see, some of them exclaiming. His hand shaking, his face burning with embarrassment, Remus chanced a look at the rest of the Marauders. They were as shocked as he was, staring in amazement at the large, shaggy dog sitting in their midst, grinning inanely. True to life then, he thought, with grim, shaky humour.

"It looks like a good strong one, as well," Tabblesworth was saying, as the dog stood and shook itself again, and paced back towards him. Unthinkingly, he held out a hand; it pushed its head against it, gave a large, silent bark, and vanished.

The rest of the class turned back to their work, some chanting the incantation with more vigour now that they saw it _could _be done.

"Brilliant, Re," whispered Lily, punching him gently on the shoulder as Tabblesworth walked off again. "What's wrong with you lot," she added to the others. "Sore that he did it first?"

As if brought back to themselves by her words, they all stammered hasty put-downs and looked away from the spot where the dog had vanished. Of course, no one else, not even Lily, would understand why that dog meant anything to them. Remus risked looking back up, and saw Sirius and James watching him. He shrugged, hoping Sirius would take it as an apology, and horribly aware that his face was still bright red.

They were distracted by more excitement as one of Sirius' Ravenclaw girls produced a shining silver horse. It didn't last as long as Remus' had, and didn't do anything as friendly, but at least the eyes were off him now. The other Ravenclaw was next, with a kingfisher. Then James, with a stag – clearly Prongs – which pleased him no end, and which showed off by prancing around Lily, just as true to life as the dog. It took Remus another three attempts to reproduce his dog, and he banished it again instantly, hoping the others hadn't been watching. Then, something huge fell into his vision, and he heard a whoop of delight from Sirius which was quickly strangled as the something revealed itself to be a wolf.

This time Lily's mouth also fell open – she understood _that_ one, all right – and Remus saw Snape out of the corner of his eye, giving them what seemed to be a look of disgust. Even Tabblesworth seemed somewhat taken aback, the significance of the wolf not lost on him. As it turned on the spot before fading, Remus caught a glimpse of a tufted tail. That wasn't a wolf, it was a werewolf. It was too much of a coincidence to think that it wasn't him. He felt just as odd to see that as he had to see Padfoot coming out of his own wand.

He looked up quickly at Sirius, who still had his wand pointing at the place the wolf had appeared and looked truly thunderstruck. James cleared his throat meaningfully and Sirius actually jumped. He looked up, caught Remus' eye, and gave him an exact mirror of the bemused shrug that Remus had given. Despite himself, Remus felt the corners of his mouth twitching. He looked down at the floor in an effort to compose himself, but when he looked back Sirius was also plainly fighting not to laugh at the oddness of the situation, and in the end the best they could mange was to give each other quick, embarrassed grins before turning hastily away.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the poor excuse for a plot. Yes, that is me fishing for compliments – reviews are always welcome ;-)

A/N: Well, I was aiming for another light-hearted chapter here, but Sirius plainly had other ideas, and then Remus gets in on the act too. . . thank God for Peter, that's all I can say, and how often do you hear that? Hopefully the next one will get back on track.

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Sirius took his time packing up after that class, trying to delay the inevitable questioning from the others. Everyone else in the class was gabbling happily about what had been a very enjoyable lesson. They gossiped about each other's Patronuses – about a third of the class had eventually produced a full one – and he heard Briony Westburrow bemoaning her squirrel.

"I mean, really, something as small as that, what good's it going to do me?" she asked as she walked past his desk. "Everyone else had big strong things. . . maybe I can change it?"

He didn't know if it was possible to change a Patronus once you had it. Would he want to anyway? After all, if Remus had never let him down, why would his Moony-Patronus? Same couldn't be said the other way round, of course; he had let Remus down badly on several occasions. Would Remus want to change Padfoot, if he could? And if Remus changed it, _he _couldn't keep Moony, that would just look odd. . . Bloody hell, he really hadn't thought his life could get more complicated.

The classroom was rapidly emptying, and James and Peter were watching him impatiently. Remus was standing to one side, determinedly not looking at anyone. Sirius didn't like to see that; it had been a long time since Remus had been so uncomfortable with them.

"Are we leaving some time today, Padfoot?" asked James.

"Lunch'll have started," added Peter.

"Coming," he muttered. He was ready anyway, just stalling; he fiddled with his bag for a couple of seconds more, then threw it over his shoulder with a sigh. They left the room in silence. Sirius didn't like that, either; he had had a lifetime's supply of it at his parents' house.

And the only thing he knew to do with silence was try to fill it, which was one of the reasons why he had always been in so much trouble at home.

"Hey, I was thinking. . . " he began, but didn't get any further before he was interrupted by groans from all three of his friends.

"Oh no!"

"That's never good."

He smiled to himself; he'd take all the insults in the world if it meant no more awkward silences. The fact that it made Remus laugh and stop looking so defensive was an added bonus.

"No, really, you'll like this one. . . "

"Padfoot, all of your thoughts end up landing us in detention."

"Yeah, I'd noticed that. . . very unfair, if you ask me. But this one's completely different. I was just thinking that this time next year, we'll all be qualified, respectable grown ups."

"You'll never be respectable," remarked James.

"That's just it, I don't want to be! So I was thinking, really, we need to put it off as long as possible, and I thought, you know, I'd really love to go travelling, there's loads of places I'd like to see. . . Why don't we all go? After graduation, take six months or so, and just go round the world. It'd be great!"

Silence of a different sort fell as everyone considered that.

"You know," said James thoughtfully, "That's actually not a bad idea. I mean, we're never going to get another chance to do it, are we? Once we're loaded down with jobs and bills and families and all that stuff."

"Be expensive, though," said Peter dolefully.

"Not as much as you'd think. If we stay in hostels, instead of booking into inns or hotels. Rent a cottage maybe, if we wanted to stay anywhere for longer than a couple of days. If we were careful about it, we could even stay in Muggle places; they'd work out pretty cheap."

"You've really given this some thought, haven't you?"

"A bit. I'm serious, you know, I think we'd have a great time. You up for it?"

Peter shrugged. "Yeah, if I can afford it."

"How 'bout you, Moony?"

"Can't," he replied shortly.

"Don't worry about the money, Moony," said Sirius. Remus had always been touchy about how poor he was. "I'll pay for you."

"Yeah, we can split it between us," added James, and Peter nodded eagerly despite his own misgivings. "It wouldn't be the same without you."

"It's not that."

"Oh, I get it," said James as they reached the Great Hall. "It's your furry little problem, isn't it? We could work around that. We'd just have to be careful about where we were at the time. There's bound to be out-of-the way places we could stay, remote cottages, that sort of thing, and you'd have all of us to keep an eye on you. . . "

"It's not that, either. I mean, that would be a problem, but. . . " he grimaced. They'd sat at one end of the already-crowded Gryffindor table but there were still plenty of people who could overhear. Not the best place for an in-depth discussion of this particular topic. Remus took a deep breath and continued, carefully. "You know the Ministry keeps a record of. . . of people with my condition?" That was news to Sirius and James, but Peter nodded. They looked at him in surprise.

"Came up in Care of Magical Creatures," he said apologetically.

"Right. Well. We're not allowed to just. . . leave the country whenever we feel like it. I have to. . . " he bit his lip and looked away. Sirius had never really given any thought to the consequences of Remus being a werewolf, not beyond the full moon itself. It seemed obvious, now, that there would be rules, and if he hadn't _known_ Remus, it would have seemed only right. But seeing the distress it was causing his friend, he just felt angry that Ministry busybodies thought they had the right to dictate how Remus lived his life. As if the monthly transformations weren't punishment enough in their own right.

"I have to inform the Registry if I want to go abroad," he said, his voice so quiet they could barely hear it. "I have to give two months notice. I have to tell them exactly when and where I will be going and why, and when I'm due back. Then _they _have to inform the Ministry of the other country, and ask permission. Not everywhere will let us in. I have to report to an official of the foreign Ministry when I arrive and when I leave. When I was seven, my dad took us to France. A Ministry official followed us around the whole time, even when we were sat on the beach he was sat about ten yards away, watching me." Remus looked up; his eyes were flat and angry, and somehow Sirius knew there was worse yet to come.

"And the two countries have to agree that our Ministry won't be held responsible if anything happens while I'm there, and that if it does, I can be. . . dealt with. . . without the Ministry interfering."

"Dealt with?" repeated James, his voice horrified.

Remus shrugged, but wouldn't meet any of their eyes. Silence fell again and this time even Sirius could not think of anything to fill it with. They all focussed on their lunch. Sirius toyed with his sandwich, shredding the bread and picking at the filling.

"Don't s'pose you fancy a couple of weeks in Cornwall, instead?" said Peter. They all looked at him in astonishment and he went beet red. "Sorry. Stupid idea," he mumbled, looking back down at his plate.

"Did you have something specific in mind?" asked Remus, his voice strained. Sirius guessed it was due to the difficulty of finding something kind to say.

"Well, my Gran's got a cottage there, and she always leaves in the summer, says she can't stand the tourists. . . Muggles, you know. . . I thought maybe if we offered to look after the house. . . But anyway, it was a stupid idea. I just thought, you won't need to worry about all that. . . you know, stuff, if it was Cornwall. . ." he tailed off, redder than ever, and took a too-large gulp of his pumpkin juice, choking so hard that Sirius had to thump him.

"That's not actually that stupid," said James, sounding surprised. "We'd still be able to take a good month or so before starting work. . . Do you really think she'd let us use it?"

"Well, she hasn't met any of you," began Peter thoughtfully, and then looked surprised when they all burst out laughing. "What?"


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Still not JK Rowling. Oh how I wish. . . .

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Lunch was finished quicker than usual. Remus' appetite was failing him in the face of the approaching full moon, and his stark summary of the rules he had to live by seemed to have put James and Sirius off their food as well. Even Peter, surrounded by the three of them picking at the remains on their plates, kept looking up nervously and declared himself finished long before they would ordinarily have expected. With twenty minutes before lessons started again, they headed outside to enjoy the good weather while it lasted. They were on their way out of the Hall when Remus saw Professor Tabblesworth heading in the other direction.

"Professor!" he called on a sudden whim. No one else was likely to be able to explain how he had ended up with Padfoot for a Patronus. The others hesitated, as Tabblesworth approached with a smile.

"We'll see you outside, Moony," James said. He nodded, and James and Peter headed through the huge double doors to the grounds. Sirius stayed, his face expressionless. It was impossible to tell whether he just had nothing better to do or whether he'd guessed what Remus wanted to speak to the Professor about and was as keen as him to find the answer.

"Mr Lupin!" he boomed as he reached them. "Something wrong?"

"Not exactly, sir. . . I was just wondering if I could ask. . ." He cursed his stammering tongue and forced himself to spit it out. "About the Patronuses. That dog, you see. . ." He hadn't exactly thought this through, how to ask without giving anything away. "Um. . . It's a real dog. It. . . ah. . . belongs to a friend of mine." Tabblesworth's eyes flicked to Sirius, hovering behind them and trying – failing – to give the impression that he wasn't listening intently to every word.

"I see," he said thoughtfully. "Shall we take this outside, boys, I think we're rather in the way here." He gestured for them to precede him into the Entrance Hall and they exchanged a worried glance. A few people had been walking round them but it wasn't like they'd been blocking the doorway or anything. Tabblesworth had to have another reason for taking them away.

Tabblesworth's office wasn't far from the Great Hall; he showed them in there, and then perched on the edge of his desk, watching them with a slight frown. Remus looked nervously around before taking a seat facing him; Sirius leant casually against a bookshelf, apparently still trying to pretend that he was here by mere coincidence.

"Sir?" asked Remus.

"You're not in trouble, don't worry. So, your Patronus. Usually they represent something about yourself. Your inner being, if you like. I assume you've picked that up from the books?" Remus nodded. "There's been limited research in the field, but there is some evidence to suggest that when a person falls in love their Patronus will change to reflect the person they're in love with." Remus heard Sirius shifting uncomfortably behind him, and couldn't help but agree. This conversation was not taking a welcome turn, and he was very glad that Tabblesworth had chosen to move it from the Great Hall.

"From your point of view the interesting thing is the reasoning behind it, which as far as I can see would apply equally to close friends. There are two theories. One, that the Patronus is something that makes you feel safe, someone you rely on. Second, that it is the memories themselves that give it shape, so if they all relate to one specific person. . ." he shrugged. "As I say, there's not been much research, certainly not enough to say which is true." He smiled, suddenly looking like an overgrown schoolboy. Or a bear-cub, even, thought Remus, remembering his Patronus. "I'm hoping to study it myself; it's a fascinating area of Defence. Anyway, you two have nothing to worry about. Your Patronuses both look good and strong, no matter what they are, and you've clearly got a handle on the charm. I suggest you get back to your lessons."

They left the room side by side, but not speaking. Remus shot a sideways glance at Sirius. He seemed to be lost in thought. Well, there was enough to think about, that was for sure. He glanced at Sirius again to catch him doing the same; they both looked quickly away again, and he thought he felt a faint blush spreading up his face. And he wasn't sure that the queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach had anything to do with the full moon any more. He kept facing forward, after that, as they walked through the entrance hall and looked around.

"Did Prongs say where they would be?" asked Sirius.

"Er. . . no. . . Hang on, is that them?" They were sitting on a wall only a few paces along. Peter waved; his other hand held a slice of cake.

"Hey guys," he said cheerfully. "You were a while."

"Yeah, well," said Sirius. "You know Tabby. Once he gets going. . ."

"Did he say anything useful?" asked James, looking keenly at them. He suspected there was more going on than met the eye, Remus could tell.

"Moony loves me."

"What?" All three of them stared at Sirius with the same startled expression, Remus definitely going red now.

"Well, that's a new one on me," he said, forcing a joking tone through a lump in his throat and horribly aware that James and Peter were staring at him as well. "How did you figure that one out?"

"You do, don't you? You _lurve _me!" Sirius wore his most infuriating grin, and Remus rolled his eyes at him even though he wanted to do nothing more than sink to the floor in relief. It was a joke.

"Don't let it go to your head," he warned. "And you had better not keep this up when anyone else can hear. I have a weird enough reputation without _that _rumour going round."

"Are either of you going to explain what he's going on about?"

"It's the Patronus thing," said Remus, exasperatedly. "Tabby explained it, but he also mentioned. . . Padfoot, if you keep fluttering your eyelashes at me I'll hex them off. . . he also mentioned that it's most common with. . . you know, couples."

"Go on, then."

"It's to do with what memory I was using, I guess, and it must have been the same for him, though if you're hoping to get him to talk sense for long enough to tell you. . ."

"Hey! You shouldn't talk about me like that, Moony, I'm your. . ."

"I _will_ hex you. I'm not joking."

Sirius' grin disappeared at his sharp tone, and he actually looked quite hurt. "Only messing around," he muttered sullenly, looking down at the floor and scuffing his foot. Remus had to swallow a sudden urge to hug him and make it all better, and scowled at him instead.

"What memory was it, then?" asked James hastily.

"Oh, well, um. . ." He went red again. "It was. . . well, it was you guys. The first time. . ." he looked around to make sure they weren't being overheard. "The first time you came and transformed for me."

They looked at him in silence, which was, predictably, broken by Sirius.

"Moony, you really are a big girl, aren't you?"

"Wow, thanks, Padfoot." A thought occurred to him and he grinned to himself. "I guess that's why you love me," he added, fluttering his own eyelashes. Why should he take all the stick for this?

Sirius looked totally taken aback, and James howled with laughter. "Ha!" he exclaimed through tears of mirth. "So busy taking the piss, he forgot he's got the same problem!" Remus couldn't help but grin at the success of his little joke; even after six years of friendship he was still surprised, sometimes, when he could make them laugh and smile. The bell rang for the next classes before James had fully recovered himself. Peter ran off down the fields towards Care of Magical Creatures with a curse at his lateness, his schoolbag bumping awkwardly against his bulk. James was still wiping away his tears as the rest of them wandered inside.

"See you later," he said as he veered off towards the Muggle Studies classroom. "Don't get up to anything, now, will you?" he added with a grin, and they both pulled faces at him, earning strange looks from a group of passing third years, who probably thought that seventh years – not to mention a prefect and the Head Boy – should have grown up a little.

"You've got History of Magic, right?" asked Sirius. Thankfully, the awkwardness seemed to have worn off now.

"Yeah. But it's not my turn to stay and make notes, so I'll see you in ten minutes or so. Where will you be, common room?"

"Uh-huh."

He had realised barely a month into sixth year that taking History of Magic at N.E.W.T. level had been a mistake. It wasn't that the subject wasn't interesting, on the contrary, he loved history, but Binns' teaching methods did not improve. Luckily, the only other three people foolish enough to have taken the subject swiftly reached the same conclusion themselves. They had reached a very useful arrangement to solve the problem, which worked mainly because Binns only ever seemed vaguely aware that he had a class at all.

Remus took his seat at the back of the classroom with a smile to the others. Binns drifted through the blackboard, and in his reedy voice requested last week's homework. Four long, neatly written essays were handed in, and then he settled down a few inches above his chair and began, his eyes staring into middle distance as his voice droned on.

They waited long enough to be sure he had really got into his flow, and then a well-aimed _Muffliato_ from Remus covered the noise as he, Melanie and Simone carefully returned their books to their bags, pushed back their chairs and crept towards the door. Phillip gave them a doleful wave as they closed it quietly behind them and straightened up in the corridor outside.

"Excellent," said Melanie briskly. "I guessed he'd be covering the expansion of the Statue of Secrecy today; I've already read up on that. Free time, how wonderful."

"How rare," corrected Simone. "Is there much to read?"

"It's a fairly short chapter."

Simone nodded, and sighed. "Well, I've got double Herbology homework to catch up on as well as this reading. Sprout slated my last essay; I've got to redo it. How did you do, Lupin?"

"Oh, not bad," he said. "An E." He was starting to get a headache, and the girls' chatter was not helping. "I'll lend you my notes if you like, but they're back in the dormitory. . ."

"Better not, then," she said, sighing again. "It wouldn't do for me to be seen loitering outside the Gryffindor common room." She tapped the green-and-silver badge on her shoulder with a humourless smile. "Your people would think I was up to something, and mine would hex first and ask questions later. Thanks, anyway. See you."

"It such a shame," said Melanie as Simone headed towards the library and they turned in the other direction. "She's really nice, but everyone just sees the badge and doesn't look any further."

Remus nodded, feeling like a complete hypocrite. James and Sirius were two of the worst for that. "Never mind, a few months and there'll be no badges to look for. You two'll keep in touch, won't you?"

"I hope so." They reached the passageway where Melanie had to turn off towards Ravenclaw Tower. "See you around, Remus."


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: As usual, none of the characters, settings etc. etc. etc. belong to me.

A/N: After having trouble with the last couple of chapters, this one fairly flew off the keyboard. It brings us right up the events of Just Good Friends – this was originally intended as a prequel but I'm going to combine the two and take that one down; I think I can do a better version now.

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Sirius was slumped grouchily in a chair by the fire. What had started out as a fairly promising day was fast deteriorating. He'd had to endure James and Lily giggling together through Potions while Snivellus muttered snide remarks from his other side. Then that. . . that _debacle_ of a Defence Against the Dark Arts Class, where even those who didn't know about Remus looked at him askance for having a werewolf as a Patronus. Then he'd managed to upset Remus by bringing up the whole travelling thing; how could something that had seemed like such a good idea cause so much trouble? Then the explanation from Tabblesworth; Remus had seemed satisfied with it, but as far as he was concerned it opened up a whole new can of Flobberworms, and his attempt to defuse it by joking had certainly backfired.

Not only had he managed to make Remus angry with him, but the faint idea that had lodged in Sirius' mind that summer and grown steadily ever since had been thoroughly squashed by his reaction to the jokes. But then, he thought, frowning to himself, Remus had returned the teasing moments later. What the hell was he supposed to think? The trouble was that every explanation he thought of seemed equally possible.

Okay, Padfoot, you're supposed to be clever. Think it through logically.

Option one. Remus had taken Tabby's comments seriously, and was disgusted by the very thought. Certainly most people's reactions. And it would explain his harsh tone; _I _will _hex you. I'm not joking._ Not like Remus to be so blunt; he must have touched a nerve.

Option two. He'd taken the comments as Tabby had no doubt meant them. Throwaway, background information. After all, he'd seemed satisfied with the explanation to their embarrassing little problem, and the memory thing did seem to hold true. And then, the snappy response to the teasing became just proper Marauder behaviour; after all, he'd taken the opportunity to tease back, and what teenage boy wouldn't have been a bit touchy about the suggestion Sirius had been making, joking though it was? Plus, it was full moon this evening, so he was bound to be a bit jumpy. The more he thought about it, the more likely it seemed.

Option three. He wasn't sure he dared articulate option three, even in the safety of his own head. But what if. . . What if the reason Remus had been so unsettled by the implications of Tabby's little speech was exactly the same reason that Sirius had been? What then? And how the hell was he supposed to tell which it was?

There was a shrill burst of laughter behind him and he flinched, squirming deeper into his chair until the top of his head could barely be seen over it. Another example of how great his day was turning out. To his great displeasure, he had discovered at the beginning of the year that this particular free period was shared by three sixth year girls. And it didn't seem to matter where he went or what he was doing, they always seemed to be there too. He'd dated one of them, back in fourth year. He thought her name was Helen. Though to be fair, she seemed to be the least keen on following him around. He seemed to recall he might have cheated on her. . .

The portrait door swung open and salvation stepped through. Remus didn't like to be mean to anyone, but if Sirius was really desperate he could usually persuade him to dispel the giggling girls with a contemptuous look and sarcastic put-down. Not to mention that they never seemed so interested in following him when he was in Remus' company. Poor Moony; continually under-appreciated. Sirius couldn't for the life of him see why girls were so uninterested in him; he was much more considerate and approachable than either him or James, after all, and not at all bad looking, even if a little on the skinny side.

One of the girls laughed again, and he saw Remus wince. There was the familiar creasing around his eyes that said he was in the grips of a pre-moon headache.

"Moony," he said by way of greeting, not bothering to keep his great relief from his voice. "Upstairs?" he suggested, jerking slightly his head to indicate the girls. Remus nodded gratefully, and Sirius scooped up his bag. He was almost sure he heard one of the girls sigh in disappointment as they headed up the boys' stairs, and scowled.

"Ugh." Remus threw himself onto his bed. "Even if we hadn't arranged to take turns I think I would have had to skip that lesson. I feel terrible."

"Can I get you anything?"

"I should have some pain-relief potion in my trunk. . ." Sirius fished it out for him; thankfully it took effect very quickly. A minute or so after swallowing it, Remus gave a sigh of relief and sat up again. "If I ever meet the person who invented that stuff, I'm going to fall at their feet and worship them. Do you want to go back down and revel in your fan club's attentions, or are you not in the mood today?"

Sirius snorted. "Am I ever?"

"Well, I do recall one time in fourth year. . ."

"Moony!" He glared at his friend, who was quite plainly sniggering at him. "So, any work to do?"

"Only reading, so far. I'll leave that for tomorrow; if I end up in the hospital wing I'll need something to occupy me. If I do you'll bring my book up for me?"

"Course." He tried to think of something else to say, but his usual conversational flair seemed to have deserted him. He looked at Remus and all he could think of was his angry tone as he threatened to hex him. Had he really meant it? He wasn't sure he wanted to bring the subject up again to find out.

"You all right, Padfoot?" Evidently he'd been quiet too long.

"Yeah, I guess." He paused again, and decided that he just had to get it out of his system. "Look, that stuff I was saying, I'm sorry, all right? I was only messing around, but if it bothers you, just tell me and I'll drop it."

"Really?" Remus sounded surprised, and no wonder. Since when did Sirius Black willingly give up the chance of teasing someone, best friend or not? Even James' obsession with Lily was deemed fair game.

"Well, yeah, you know. You're right; if someone other than Prongs and Wormtail overhears that stuff we could both end up in a bit of a mess."

Remus gave him an odd smile. Usually it meant he was trying not to laugh; this time there was a funny look in his eyes and it seemed more like he was having trouble smiling at all. "It'd sort out your fan club, though."

"Oh, now there's an idea!" he exclaimed, an arrested grin settling on his face. "Can you imagine the looks on their faces?"

"I imagine half the girls in school would hurl themselves off the Astronomy Tower at the thought," replied Remus dryly.

"Only half? Moony, you have such a low opinion of me."

"Well, you have far too high an opinion of yourself, so it averages out."

"Ouch! Who trod on your tail?"

"Bit early for that yet, but I'm sure you'll manage it later, you usually do."

"Do I really?"

"Well, it's kind of hard to tell, I suppose it _could_ be Prongs. But then he doesn't tend to get over-excited like you do. . ."

"Hey!" Sirius was painfully aware that he was coming off worst in this round of banter. "I bet James doesn't have to put up with this from Lily every month," he grumbled.

"Ooh, time of the month jokes again. You really are struggling, aren't you, Padfoot?"

He opened his mouth for a response only to find that he didn't have one, and snapped it shut again, frowning. Remus was looking at him expectantly, the amused smirk and raised eyebrow back again, and he found the capacity for thought seeping away. "I. . . You. . . Dammit! I yield. You win. The world has clearly gone mad."

Remus' smirk grew into a fully-fledged grin. Sirius shrugged helplessly, beginning to grin himself, and somehow the second their eyes met they just set each other off into peals of laughter. Remus collapsed onto the bed and Sirius leant on the bedpost until even that couldn't hold him up and he rolled onto the floor on his back.

"Oh, God, I've got a stitch," he groaned, clutching his side and rolling over. He hauled himself back up and suddenly found himself face to face with Remus, who had apparently leant over the side of the bed to check he was okay. They both froze, inches apart. Remus' face still shone with laughter, his eyes sparkling. Sirius knew that expression better than any other – and he knew _all_ of Remus' expressions much better than he should – because that was the look that had set him down this path in the first place.

It had been that summer. They'd been at James' parents, as usual, for the last two weeks, and had taken a day to go to the beach. He couldn't even remember now what they'd been laughing at, but Remus he remembered clearly because he had laughed as hard as any of them, not his usual quiet chuckle or dry snigger, but with the careless abandon that came so naturally to the rest of them and so rarely to him. Sirius had stopped to watch, amused to see his so-reserved friend collapsed in hysterics on the warm sand, grains of it clinging to his cheeks and bare arms and tears creeping from the corners of his eyes. And eventually they had all recovered, and Remus had sat up, the traces of laughter still shining in his face and Sirius had felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. Because for no explicable reason that he could think of, he suddenly wanted to grab Remus and kiss him. Remus. His friend. His _male_ friend.

Terrified that the others would somehow be able to see the unfamiliar territory his thoughts were in, he had transformed into Padfoot and set off, the rest of them chasing him across the beach, eventually leading them into the sea itself. He'd changed back and they'd had a fast, furious water fight – Peter lost – and he thought that he'd shaken the incident away. But the entire journey home, the joy of the day still sparkled in Remus' face and Sirius had barely been able to look at him and at the same time barely able to look away.

He'd tried to put it down to heatstroke, to begin with, but there had been no getting away from it. After that day, there were more and more occasions where he looked at his friend and saw him differently, and then they were back at Hogwarts and he watched the giggling packs of girls and found them even less appealing than he had in sixth year, when the various traumas they had all been going through had made such frivolity seem pointless in general and plain irritating when aimed at him.

"Sirius?" said Remus, uncertainly.

He couldn't quite seem to move, though the tiny corner of his brain that still functioned _screamed_ at him that he should not be this close to Remus; he should not be staring into his friend's eyes and noticing that there were tiny flecks of grey among the brown, that the laughter hadn't completely left them but that there were traces of puzzlement and. . . something else?. . . there as well. It would be so easy to close that tiny gap. . . He swayed forward slightly as if he would, and something flickered in Remus' eyes. . .

And his nerve broke and he fairly threw himself backwards. Remus leaned back onto the bed as if nothing had happened, but for a split second Sirius was sure he looked. . . disappointed? He had to be imagining it.

"I think I'm going mad," he said, his voice faint even in his own ears.

"Padfoot?"

"I. . . Sorry, Moony, I. . . I have to go."

He knew he hadn't imagined the hurt look on Remus' face as he hurried past him and back out the door. He got most of the way down the stairs before he heard voices from the common room and remembered the girls. He didn't think he could face them right now, but he clearly couldn't trust himself to be alone with Remus, and now he'd upset him _again_. He trudged slowly back up the stairs, and slid to the floor against the closed door, his head in his hands.

Padfoot, you are a bloody mess, he told himself.

It was much later, when he, James and Peter were sniping at each other under the Invisibility Cloak on their way down to the Whomping Willow that another thought hit him, like a physical blow, and he stopped so abruptly that both James and Peter fell over him with hastily swallowed oaths.

Remus hadn't moved. Sirius had frozen there for God only knew how many horribly long seconds, staring at Remus from inches away, almost kissed him, and _Remus hadn't pulled away_.

"I'm a bloody idiot," he said, loudly. Peter and James swore at him again in fierce whispers, agreeing in no uncertain terms and telling him the shut the hell up and get moving before they were caught.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Still not JK, still don't own a damn thing

A/N: Well, this is the rewritten version of what used to be the first chapter of Just Good Friends. I think re-writing it turned out harder than writing any of the other chapters first time around. Thanks to all the reviewers – and there's been quite a few people who've added Story Alerts but not left a review – I'd love you forever if you would let me know what you think (_flutters eyelashes)_

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November had been mild so far, with more sun than rain and only one brief, overnight snowfall that barely lay on the ground long enough for the students to see it the next morning. Even so, at this early hour there was a bite in the air that said winter was well on the way. Remus hugged his knees to his chest and stared out across the lake, thinking. The early morning sunshine glittered off the still surface of the water and his breath steamed in the air before him. He knew he ought to go in before his friends came looking for him, but they would be eating breakfast right now, and he didn't think he could stand the smell of food. He would just sit here in the peace and quiet for a little while longer, trying to make sense of. . . everything. He only wished he could keep his mind as still as the lake; in truth sense seemed hard to come by amongst the thoughts spinning through his head. The morning after a full moon always felt calm to him, no matter how bad the physical pain, but he'd even lost that, today.

It wasn't just the cold of the morning that made him tremble slightly. He ached all over; this was as far from the Shrieking Shack as he ever made it before he had to rest. There was nowhere else to stop between here and the castle, and he would be in a much worse state by the time he got there.

"Ah, I thought I'd find you here." He didn't need to look up to recognise Sirius' voice. He sat next to him, lounging on the grass with effortless grace that Remus couldn't help but envy, just a little. "How're you feeling?"

He shrugged. There was no point in cataloguing every ache and pain; Sirius knew well enough how he felt the day after a full moon. "The same as ever," he replied, his voice slightly hoarse. A gust of wind blew past them off the lake and made Remus shiver. It was really quite cold out here; he had been too lost in thought to notice it before.

Sirius noticed the shiver and frowned at him. "How long have you been out here?"

"Oh... fifteen minutes or so." Remus kept his voice casual; he had been sitting here for a good half hour, but didn't think Sirius would be very impressed with that.

Sirius spotted the lie for what it was, and frowned some more. It was unlike him, thought Remus, to have such a surly face. Usually his smile was irrepressible; just like him. He laid the back of his hand against Remus' arm. "You're like a block of ice, Moony, you idiot! Come here." He pulled Remus roughly into a warm hug. Remus froze for a second and had to force himself to relax as Sirius rubbed at his arms in a vain attempt to warm him up.

A few moments ago he had felt he had too many thoughts to possibly contain them all in his head. Now they all seemed to have deserted him, leaving only the distracting feel of Sirius' hands on his arms, Sirius' breath against the back of his neck.

He shivered again, his breath catching in the back of his throat, grateful that Sirius would attribute both to the cold. He had realised a bit less than three years ago, that boys could make him react like this when girls did not. Of course he had tried to deny it, and that was mainly how the Lily thing had happened. And then a few months after he and Lily had broken up, he had changed his mind again. One particular boy made him react like this.

It was Sirius' own fault; he always had been so damn good looking.

He had been careful not to let his friends guess, protecting this secret even more carefully than his other. Until yesterday, when he had let his guard slip. It was too much to hope that Sirius hadn't noticed, not when he had practically fallen over himself to run away afterwards. The only thing he could hope was that Sirius was too embarrassed by it to tell James and Peter. At least he wasn't avoiding him. It seemed so unfair; surely it was a hard enough test of friendship that he was a werewolf, without adding this.

Sirius' efforts had made him a little warmer. At least he was no longer shivering. But Sirius didn't take away his arms; if anything he pulled Remus slightly closer. Don't read anything into it, he warned himself. Just don't. If yesterday stays a one-off, we can both pretend it never happened, and not get awkward.

"Moony. . ." Sirius said, his voice hesitant. Another rarity, for probably the most confident boy in the school. "Remus. . ."

Remus twisted to look up at his friend. There was the oddest look on Sirius' face.

"What's wrong?"

For a moment, Sirius just gazed at him, not answering. Remus met his eyes, puzzled, before he could think better of it. The same something that he had thought he had seen yesterday was lurking there. It vanished before he could even be sure he hadn't imagined it, but this time instead of panicking and running away, Sirius leaned forwards and kissed him full on the mouth.

He was so shocked that he forgot to respond, and when it was over, all too quickly, couldn't think of a single thing to say. His astonished stare seemed to be unsettling Sirius, who bit his lip, slowly turning red. Remus was sure that he was bright red as well; he could feel his cheeks burning.

"S. . . sorry." Sirius hurriedly released Remus and slid away a few inches. The tension decreased to an almost manageable level. "I. . . I thought. . . I didn't. . ."

Remus didn't think he had ever heard Sirius stammer before. As Sirius looked away, mortified, he suddenly found his voice. "No, Sirius. . ." He reached out and grabbed Sirius' arm as he tried to inch away further, and Sirius turned back, giving him such an intense look that he felt himself going red again.

Another silence stretched between them. "I think I made a bit of a mess of that," he said eventually. He couldn't quite make himself look at Sirius; the best he could manage turned out to be staring determinedly at his knee. "I don't suppose I could have another go?" He chanced a glance up. All the confusion and embarrassment on Sirius' face was melting away, leaving a flirtatious grin and smouldering eyes. He'd seen that expression often, though he'd never thought to find it directed at him.

They both lurched forward at the same time, both stopped short to avoid knocking into each other and laughed awkwardly, so close together that Remus could _feel _Sirius smile. As Sirius pulled him across that last tiny gap, his thoughts deserted him once again. And then there was nothing but warm lips and tongues and breathlessness; a tangle of his fingers in Sirius' hair and robes; surprisingly soft hands either side of his face. Sirius pulled away, tracing a finger gently down his cheek.

"Don't stop now; I think I'm getting the hang of this," Remus said, amazed that he could find the capacity to speak at all, let alone to joke.

"I'll say!" Sirius laughed, his breath warm on Remus' cheek. He looked rather dishevelled; unable to help himself Remus reached up to smooth down the hair he had just crumpled. Sirius smiled and kissed him once more, firmly, then moved away just enough to drag Remus back into the hug that had been interrupted. He was tall enough to rest his chin on Remus' head even when they were both sitting. "But I sent Prongs to check for you in the hospital wing, and he'll be along here soon enough when he realises you're not there. I'd rather not have him catch us in a compromising position; I don't know if he'd ever recover."

For a few moments they sat in comfortable silence, Remus trying to adjust to the sudden change in everything he thought he had known. "You know," he remarked, "I thought this was one secret I _had_ managed to keep." It had not taken them long to figure out what his monthly disappearances meant, but then that _was _slightly more obvious than the issue of his crush on Sirius.

Sirius chuckled. "Oh, Prongs and Wormtail don't know – at least, I don't think they do – but then I have an advantage on them in this. Insider knowledge, you might say."

"I had no idea. About you, I mean."

"Well, Moony, if you will walk around with your head in the clouds. Obviously, I would never expect you to be quite as quick on the uptake as I am. . ."

"Oh, of course not. How could I ever dream of matching the almighty Padfoot?"

"Glad to see you acknowledge my brilliance." If he had worried that this new situation might lead to awkwardness, the teasing was welcome proof that Sirius was still Sirius, that they were still best of friends as well as anything else they might be. "Anyway, I wasn't exactly going to be flaunting myself, was I?

"What about all those girls?"

"Oh, well. . . I just felt like I should have a girlfriend, you know?"

"Or ten girlfriends? Or twenty?"

"Huh. You're just jealous." The response was automatic but then as Remus laughed he paused and considered it. "Or maybe not," he admitted with good humour. "I guess it took me a while to figure out why it never worked out with any of them."

Remus considered telling Sirius that he had been jealous, if not in quite the way Sirius had meant, but before he could say anything he heard footsteps approaching behind them and then James' voice.

"Hello there. . . not interrupting anything, am I?"

"Stupid fool's been sitting here for hours," replied Sirius quickly, without a trace of embarrassment in his voice. Remus was grateful for his quick thinking. Though, he realised belatedly, probably James was only referring to yesterday's unfortunate joke. Sirius reached down and squeezed Remus' hand. "You're still frozen solid! Prongs, you didn't bring a cloak or anything, did you?"

The gesture had largely been for James' benefit, but there was a message there for Remus, too. They would have to decide between themselves what to tell James and Peter – if anything – but in the meantime Sirius was letting him know that he did not regret a thing.

James crouched beside them and felt Remus' arm. "Ah, he's right. Moony, you are an idiot sometimes. Come on, we'll get you inside." They took an arm each and hauled him to his feet.

"You know, Prongs," said Remus as they propelled him forwards between them, "I won't deny that I can be a little foolish at times. . ." He ignored James' snort. "But I object to being called an idiot by someone who thought it would be fun to play Quidditch in the Great Hall when the snow was too deep to get to the pitch. . ."

"But it _was_ fun."

". . .and that it would be a good idea to bewitch McGonagall's blackboard to write dirty limericks instead of the instructions for the class."

"Ah, but did you see the look on her face," James said with a look of dreamy reminiscence.

"Yes. Right before she worked out who was responsible and put us all in detention for a week."

Sirius laughed. "He has you there, Prongs." James relinquished his hold on his arm now that he was moving under his own steam. Sirius followed suite; he wasn't sure whether to be sorry or not.

"Oh, but it was worth it!"

"Even the part where the detentions made it impossible for us to finish our homework and we got another one from Professor Sprout for that?" James and Sirius both grimaced. They had spent several hours shovelling dragon dung, and the smell had lingered for days, no matter how many baths and showers they took.

"Okay, point taken. If you're an idiot, then so am I."

Remus and Sirius snorted; the admission was worth little, since they and Lily frequently reminded him how stupid he was and he rarely troubled to deny it.


End file.
